I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
