so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
