I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
