i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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