I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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