watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
