office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
