No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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