is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize