talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
