things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
