Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
