She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
