I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
