I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
