i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Did we literally take a cab across the street
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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