eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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