from now on my penis is your penis
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
