i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
