all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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