yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
