East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
