Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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