If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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