I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ladies don't puke and tell
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
