i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
