I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
