If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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