I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
