I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
