I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
