they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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