She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
