He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
