I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
