Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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