At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
