I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
