YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
