do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
