i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
