she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
