I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
