Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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