They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
