How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
