Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
