weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Less talking, more tequila
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
