so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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