Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
