You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
