thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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