it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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