Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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