Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
