He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
