I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
