ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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