Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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