She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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