YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
