Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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