Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
