you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
