My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
