whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Someone shattered a urinal.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
