Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
try to milk me bitch
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