I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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