when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
